relatable deaths from ancient times

thoodleoo:

• chrysippus: died laughing at his own joke
  
• zeuxis: died laughing at his own art
  
• aeschylus: stayed outside in his old age to avoid a prophecy that he would die from having something fall on his head, died when an eagle thought his bald head was a rock and dropped a turtle on him to break its shell
  
• plato: partied too hard
  
• empedocles: jumped into a volcano to prove that he was immortal
• philitas of cos: was such an incredible pedant that he wasted away while studying erroneous word usage
• saint lawrence: roasted alive during christian persecution under valerian, joked that he was done on one side and needed to be flipped over
• didius julianus: purchased the roman empire in an auction, ruled for 9 weeks, executed for being ineffective leader
• petronius arbiter: sentenced to death by nero, opened his veins while enjoying a sumptuous dinner party, edited his will to list all of the reasons he hated nero

kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd:

beautifulgodzilla:

adelstotle:

beautifulgodzilla:

I need volunteers

For what?

I’m going to the airport wearing an expensive black dress with a diamond necklace and glasses of champagne in both hands, waltzing through, casually reminding my chauffeur to haul my bags in for me. I need 4-5 attractive people (race+gender doesn’t matter) wearing clothes that are not better than mine, and cool sunglasses begging me not to leave, on their knees, barely grasping my dress because they want me to stay but at the same time they know the dress is worth more than anything they can ever afford. Turning around every so slightly and almost spilling, but not quite all the way there, my champagne, I’ll laugh and say quite loudly, “darlings I have to visit my ACTUAL husband!”

how do i get in on this